A Rainy, Friendless Day

For the most part, Ryder is pretty sociable. He goes to school all day and not even 10 minutes after he gets home, someone is knocking at our door. "Can Ryder come out and play?" As a parent, you probably know how much joy it can bring you to know your kids have friends.

But, every once in a while, either because of weather or other things, Ryder is left friendless. He's not a kid who plays great on his own. So, of course, he leans to his default friend. ME. Which I love but at the same time dread. My husband works away for 10 days at a time so for part of the time it's like being a single parent. (kuddos to you single parents out there, you rock!)

I had things around the house to do and dinner to cook and I hadn't really factored "play time" into that schedule. So, I asked him to amuse himself for a couple hours with a promise to play after dinner was finished and cleaned up.

6:30pm. It is now time to own up to that promise. He suggests video games. As this is a weekday and the day is winding down, that was a definite "no". I suggest a board game. We love board games so off he went to the shelf to grab one. Tonight's game of choice: CANDYLAND

"Candyland"

Today was a stressful day for me of which I had no time for so I was very happy to play a mindless "race to the end" type game. 

If you have never played Candyland before (have you been living on Mars?), here is the gist of it:

1. recommended for ages 3 and up. I consider this game geared mostly towards pre-school children. It  is extremely simple with no thought required. It also, only takes about 2 minutes to play. I suspect the age rating is purely for choking reasons. However, my son loves it and I know many other children his age (7) and even older who like to play it.

Everything included in Candyland

2. The game comes with 4 playing pieces; A gingerbread person, some sort of gummy candy, an ice cream cone and a marshmallow. My son always picks the ice cream and insists on me being the marshmallow. It has one game board, instructions and a spin dial. 

3. Youngest player goes first and gives the dial a spin. You move to either a single color, a candy square or move forward two colors if you spin a double color. Along the way you pass though different candy lands; Peppermint Forest, Nana's Nut House, Licorice Lagoon, Lollipop Palace, Frosted Palace and finally the winner arrives at King Kandy's Castle by spinning any color. Super simple, super quick.

Game play!

I like Candyland for a few reasons. It's mindless, no thought required. It's quick. Set up is minimal. It comes in a smaller box compared to normal sized games. But, what I really love is that, I think because it is so simple my son uses his imagination to make it more interesting. He does voices. He pretends he is going fast or slow. Sometimes he gets caught in sugar (quick) sand. Licorice Lagoon is the bad guy. Sometimes, its stormy in Candyland. Sometimes we use 2 playing pieces each and have to work as a team to win. There are also a few useless pink candy spaces along the board that serve no purpose. We haven't really come up with a way to use them in the game but would love to have some ideas!

Candyland is also a retro game. It first dazzled children back in 1949! It has changed a bit since back then. You used to use cards to decide where to move to instead of a dial and some of the names have changed. It has certainly stood the test of time. I didn't have Candyland when I was a child. I did, however, have a Candyland jigsaw puzzle. I have searched mercilessly for a picture online of the puzzle I had but to no avail.

1980's version that I remember playing

In the end we played for about 45 minutes which was awesome! That took us right up to bedtime snack time. I was going to pass Candyland along to a younger child, but I think we will keep it for now. It was a great way to spend some time together without using any kind of screen. And to me, that counts for quite a lot.

PARENTS: They're Just like You!

  So, you have chosen not to have children. That's great! I am happy you have made a decision about your life that you are happy with. And, yes, I do believe you when you say you will not change your mind.
  What I am not happy about is that you feel you need to defend your decision. It is none of my business, nor anyone else's business how you choose to live your life.  I myself, was in my late 20's before I decided that I wanted to be a parent. Before that, I had completely decided that I did NOT want to be a mother. And even when I did decide, I honestly didn't care if it happened or not. If it did, great! If it didn't well, no big deal either. Fortunately, it did though as I simply cant imagine my life without my son.
  However, here is the thing; Just because you do not want to be a parent does not mean you have to try to make parents feel terrible for having kids, or make parenthood out to be a death sentence. A sad, mundane, uncool existence. Have you ever read those articles "What Not to Say to such and such who lives a different lifestyle as your own?" There are so, so many of those going around but I just love the ones about what not to say to a person who doesn't want kids. If you do not have kids simply because you do not want them or because you feel being a parent is just not for you then I respect that %100. I respect a person who says they don't really have a reason, they just don't want them.
   If you have never read one of those articles, here is the jist of them. A person starts of by complaining that people say something ridiculous to them like "you don't want kids! How could you not want kids!?" Rude, I agree. After that they list their reasons why they don't want kids. Most of them involve things they think you cant do because you have children. Most of them are ridiculous. Most of them make me feel like you think being a parent is stupid.
Let me clairfy, you can do almost ANYTHING with children that you did without. Granted, maybe in a different manner or adjusted in some way but it IS possible.
#1. TRAVEL
      "I do not want children because I will not be able to travel"
       I am not sure where it is written but apparently, parents must stay home at all times. Bound to their house and a life of servitude where our only purpose in life is to feed and clean up after our children. Since my son was born, I have traveled much more. I WANT to travel more because I want to show him the world. A child can travel pretty much anywhere you can, except places where a legal age is permitted. My son was only 3 months old the first time he spent all day on a cross country flight. I have a friend who's little boy is only 10 months and he has already been to 7 different countries. I also recently read an article about a woman who has backpacked Europe with her baby strapped to her back. Yes, children are a jail cell, we never get to go anywhere.

Me and my husband say "lets have a baby and show him the world!"

#2 FREEDOM

Indeed, I never get to do a single thing I want anymore. I never read, or draw, or get together with my girlfriends, me and my husband never ever go on dates, I never ski anymore and I didn't buy that cute pair of shoes I have been eyeing. **insert eye roll** I get to do all those things! Maybe not all the time or as often as I did before but I still do it. And guess what, I enjoy being with my kid too. We play, laugh, hangout, read, go to the movies and this year my son learned to snowboard. I never regret when I "cant" do something because I have to stay home with my kid. NEVER. I don't mind that I cant go to a bar every Saturday and Friday night. To be honest, even if I didn't have my son, I still wouldn't want to do that. Again, I will say, kids can do pretty much anything an adult can. Just on a smaller scale and maybe not for as long. And the older a kid gets, the more they can do. To be honest, if I were childless, I'd still be doing what I am doing right now. My son doesn't hold me back from anything. He encourages me to do more.

#3. MONEY                                                                                                                                               This one, I may have to give you. You are right. Kids are expensive. Diapers, formula, clothes, food, school, activites, toys, all cost an insane amount of money. But the truth is, if I didn't have a kid I would still only have the same amount of money as I do now, it would just be spent on different  things. Your boss doesn't  say "oh? your childless. Have a raise!" I know childless couples and couples with children who make the same money and they have pretty much the exact same things. Same house, same vehicles, same toys. As parents, we budget. We don't spend willy nilly, after all we have a kid we have to feed and clothe. But we do not mind one single bit. There is nothing we would rather spend our money on then our son. I get the same thrill from buying him a toy as I do from buying myself a new pair of earings

I have a kid AND I have it all. I must be Batman!

#4 TIME                                                                                                                                                      Yup, kids sure do take up a lot of your time. So does any relationship. It's how you chose to spend that time that makes the difference. I love the time I get to spend with my son. If someone granted me a wish of free time to do whatever I wanted I would still choose to spend it with my son doing something awesome. Maybe we would go skiing, or swimming, or to an amusement park, travel. Maybe we would just watch tv. Either way, we'd make the most of it. My son is in grade 1 this year. On school days the amount of "time" I actually have to spend with him is only about 3 hours. He is in school all day and after he is outside playing with his friends. The older he gets, the less time I will get with him. Eventually, he will grow up, move out and make a life of his own. Then we will have all the "time" and "freedom" you feel we have been missing out on. And we will probably hate it. The thing is, we don't mind "sacrificing" our time because there is no other place we would rather be.

Parents have no life, apparently

#5 OLD AGE                                                                                                                                           

Apparently, we only become parents so that we will have someone to take care of us when we are old. I can tell you, that thought never even entered my mind when we decided to try. I most certainly do NOT expect my son to be our personal care taker. My grandmother is 93 and has 9 children. Do you know who looks after her? She does, and with as much oomph as anyone  half her age. I do not plan on needing "looking after" in my old age. I hope to be as full of life and energy as my grandmother. And if the world sets me on a different path, I will plan for a nurse the way most people do.

Me and my husband in old age. We got on that bike all by ourselves without the help of our son

The bottom line is, when someone lives a different life style then you and love it, it is hard to see why anyone else wouldn't choose the same things. It's human nature to feel that way. For instance, people who love pizza cant understand why someone wouldn't like pizza as well. It's just the way it is. I try to see things on the other side of the coin. When someone loves something, they want you to share that love too and if you don't they think you are missing out. Most people aren't really judging you, they honestly, just don't understand.

I chose to become a parent. I didn't mind any of the so called "sacrifices" people associated with becoming one. Nothing in  my life feels like a sacrifice. My life is pretty much the same except there is an extra person in it who depends on me and truly loves me.

The articles usually contain 8-10 things we as parents are not supposed to say to childless choosing people. And I agree, I have no right to question your reasons or judge you for your choice. And I don't. But Please, do not judge me for mine. 

"Just Mom"

All Day Kindergarten.....???

Aha! Just as I suspected, over 2 months since my last entry. Time to pick up the slack.....

So, some provinces want all day kindergarten. Um, why? (JustMom mocks in a high pitched voice) "I just want my kids to get the best possible education they can get" blah, blah, blah...Whatever..
I Do understand if you are a working parent. Finding that half -day day care is frustrating, but not impossible. Also, a little more expensive. But it's only a year.
Seriously, is all day kindergarten NECESSARY? Kids already spend at the least 13 years in school. Add college, that's another 2-3 years, or university and that's another 5. Not to mention pre-school, and even now you can enroll your kids in as young as 3. No wonder kids drop out. Who can blame them? And it's no wonder high school graduates just pick a college/university program without really considering their futures. They just want to get school over with and start life already! They're sick to death of school.  A number of kids drop out of college/university, change they're minds a million times or never even work at their "chosen" field. Why? Because those 13 years of school dont prepare you for what intrests you.
Here's an idea. Instead of all day kindergarten, why doesnt the government have half a day of school and the other half devoted to some form of child intrest government funded program. Like, karate, sports such as baseball, volunteer work, art, etc...I could go on.
Come on people, lets let kids be kids. Afterall, it's only for one more year. Think you can stand having your kids around for that much longer or deal with the "inconvience" of half-day day care for a whole 10 months more?...................Yea, didn't think so
P.S NOT sorry to offend

August 26, 2009

That was the last night my son had a decent nights sleep. We were on a plane headed to my home province of Newfoundland. He slept the entire 9 hour flight, never even woke when I changed him or fed him. Oh how I bragged about how good he was on the flight, and only 3 months old too! Life's funny that way...
In short, my son didnt sleep, hardly ever, for the next 17 months of his life. He would go to bed, sleep for maybe an hour then be up every 30-45 minutes screeching. This would last the entire night. Even when he did sleep he was completely restless. Constantly rooting around, never stopped. You'd think he'd be tired and cranky the next day. NO. The only tired and cranky ones were dear old Mom and Dad. The hardest part was we really dont think anyone believed us. Oh how we got tired of hearing "no child sleeps through the night." We didnt have a child that woke once or twice a night. We had a child who apparently didnt need sleep! Doctors were of no help at all. And since both sets of grandparents lived on the other side of the country we didnt even have anyone to pawn him of on for a night so we could rest.
We devoted our lives to finding a way to get him to sleep, even just for 2 hours. The internet uncovered nothing except other parents going throught the same thing looking for the same answers. We tried every old wives tale in the book, aside from giving him whiskey of course. In the end we decided to call it a form of colic and just learn to deal with it instead of trying to fix it.
Remarkably, that actually seemed to help. At 16 months old, over a year of no sleep, we decided to buy him a double bed. That way, we could take turns sleeping in the room with him and at least every second night ONE of us would get a decent nights sleep. What a difference it made to our lives! We became more clear headed and had so much more patience. We had fun with our son during the day instead of just floating through it all zombie like and not remembering how we did it.
Finally, around 20 months old we realized that our son was actually sleeping quite well. Maybe only waking 3 times a night and sometimes not at all. So we decided to sleep in our own bed TOGETHER. Something we had not done in forever. You have to understand of course, that this was a hard decision to make. Were we finally ready to sacrifice sleeping again? Amazingly, after about 2 weeks we found we were only getting up with him once a night! And now at 2 years 2 months sometimes we even get to sleep in our own bed the entire night!
What a journey it has been. That we survied it is a feat in itself. Are we in a hurry to have a second child? Not on your life. However, I am considering going around to the high schools and giving my story. Scare the pants of those teenagers. Can't think of any better birth control then that!

And here we are at the airport after just arriving! 

"I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"

Have you ever seen the show? It's a television program that tells the stories of women who didn't have a clue they were pregnant until they are giving birth to their babies in the bathroom stall at Wal-Mart. Don't believe me? It happens, apparently. I've only seen the show once and vowed never to watch it again. Even to see the title on the guide turns my stomach. Curious? You wouldn't be if you had spent even 5 seconds with me while I was pregnant. I had the most miserable pregnancy in history. Ever. Ok, ok, I suppose I exaggerate. Those of you who feared for the life of your unborn child or who were hospitalized while pregnant undoubtably had it worse then I did.
I was 124 pounds the day I discovered I was pregant. The day I gave birth I had gained 108 pounds in total. Yup, I was a whale. I can still see the looks on strangers faces when they saw me and can still hear them mutter "God love her". People asked me if I were having triplets. Not twins, no, as obviously someone as large as me just HAD to be having triplets. One woman said I looked like I was carrying around a medicine ball. That's the biggest ball there is! My whole body was beyond swollen with water. My skin felt like it was going to rip apart at any second. But nothing compared to my feet. There is not a shoe designed for the convenience of the poor fat pregnant lady. Balls do not fit into the holes of shoes afterall. Every step I took was agony. It felt like I had the worlds worse sunburn and every step I took made it worse.
I couldnt put on my socks, get in and out of bed by myself and could barely reach myself after using the batroom to "wipe". I developed some pretty crazy moves to solve THAT dilemma, let me tell you!

Yup, it was crazy. But being a colossal being was only ONE of the many pregnancy horrors I encounterd. It is easier to tell you the one thing I didn't have: Heartburn. I have never, ever in my life had it and didnt experience it while pregnant either. Funny how God decided to spare me that one. He has quite a sense of humor.
But in the end it was all worth it when I finally gave birth to my 11 pound 7 oz "little" boy. And would I do it all over again knowing what I know now? You bet I would! A million times over. The only thing I WOULD change is having the knowledge that there are woman out there who didn't know they were pregnant. Ignorance is bliss!...........(the picture is me at 26 weeks)

The "Look"

Ah the look. If you are a mother I guarentee you have recieved it and most likely have given it. It's a look we dread to recieve but are too quick to dish out. You know the one I'm talking about. The look we are given when we make decisions about our children that other people find, well, stupid. And usually it is given over the smallest little things. For instance, I prefer not to give my son juice. Not that he NEVER has juice. He has it at birthday parties and occaionally at home. It's just a choice we made. We dont freak if he gets his hands on juice or strictly forbid it. But tell ONE person he dont drink juice and look out, you recieve the "Look". A friend of mine decided not to give her infant son sweets until his cake on his first birthday. The way people looked at her when she said it you'd think she was denying the child food altogether. We get the "Look" for how our children dress, what they eat, how much television they watch, what toys they play with, etc.. How these decisions affect anyone else, I've no idea. But there they are judging us. What I find ironic is that, even though these decisions are in the best interests of our children and do not harm them in any way, it is taboo to tell a pregnant woman off for smoking while pregnant. Shocked to hear women still do that? You shouldn't be, it's everywhere. But, no, we mustn't tell them they shouldnt do it, but we must always criticize them for denying them juice. Oh yes, THAT is an important issue.

Why a blog?

Well, here I am, writing a blog. Why? No clue really as I am by no means an author of any sort. Not the best speller either. Grammer? Forget about it. I guess I just wanted to share my life as a mother. I am sure there are an infinity amount of "mom" blogs out there but this is mine. Read it if you like. If not it will be a sort of journal for me. Something I get the urge to do every now and then but never stick with. I probably wont stick with this either.Guess we'll have to wait and see...
To start, I guess I'll explain "Just Mom". Well, that's exactly what I am isnt it? Just Mom to a son of Just Two years. I dont expect someone who isnt a mother to understand but I know those of you who are will understand %100. To our children we are nothing else. You might think that bothers me but it doesnt. I live and breathe motherhood. I decided I wanted to be a mother, I did not get pregnant by accident. It was what I wanted. I do not work outside my home, social interactions are scarce as are babysitters. My day revolves around trains, cars, pre-school cartoons and never resting for a moment. Being Just Mom is a 24 hour a day job with no days off or sick time. I do not mind one bit as I know it will not last forever. Someday, in too short of a time, my son will be of to school. He'll make friends, get involved in after school activities and as the too short years go by I will see less and less of him. One day he will move out and I'll realize it's been over a week since I've seen or heard from him. So until that day comes I am quite content being "Just Mom".